The FmXt has a face and a voice … and loads of emotion and love. This was demonstrated a short while ago by Shubhi and her gang of EF from Delhi that had trouped into the Star News studios where I was being interviewed by eminent anchors on ‘Aarakshan’. Such a joy to meet all of you and thank you for all your kind words and affection. The pictures as promised shall be sent to Fatima and she can then individually distribute them to you. And yes all the EF from Delhi … you were so right .. goodness .. the ending of the blog a few days ago on the 2nd of August is indeed the wobblings of a very disoriented mind. Guess I was taking my medical condition of 29 years ago a little too seriously ! But as advised by many, including Satinder I shall leave it as it is … there is some madness in what has been printed, but let it be .. let it remain as reminder of a state of mind despite all else !!
I did tell some of the Ef tonight that there was nothing ever written by me which did not have a meaning or a base from where the thought emanated. I did say that some day I shall elaborate on it. But you were again so right … what I just read does not make any sense .. it was almost like writing in a sleep mode … a mode where some extrasensory effect takes over the brain and leads it into expressing something that is made up of thoughts and words that have no meaning or coordination. It is a distracted collection of thoughts, which much like a maze, overcome the state and never allow anything of reason and sense to come out. I guess when the mind or the physical side of the brain undergoes coma or stimulated anesthesia, then I would imagine, incoherent words would drop out ..
I may have been in that condition … which is why I thought I would look and see to correct it ..
But no … now I do not want to. It is beautiful the way it is, and that is how it shall remain. It shall demonstrate that none of us are without fault and mistake and that anyone can fall a victim of it ..
My daughter has sent me my dinner in Sopaan, because I was feeling too languished to pull myself out of this condition. So I lie in the luxury of my bed, pillowed and propped by soft cushioning. I write and eat at the same time … both are delicious ! I am conscious of what I express here, for, during the course of my day I have been confronted by many, on the elements of my blog and twitter. They have a ready reckoner on my words and stands and expressions, even though they be somewhat delusionary. But this I can vouch … the facility is visited often and is spoken off and discussed as well. Much of the print that comes out for me contains large doses of material that I write here. I am therefore an unannounced journalist, un recognized by the body that decides on it formally. I make my own news and I do love the way some columns make it look as though it came about by their labor. No it did not. It came about because I expressed myself and they took pieces out and made stories out of it. Not all of them have the decency or the journalistic ethics to acknowledge it. Many do. They extract and do give the credit within quotes to the blog or the twitter. That is laudable and I feel honored that I was able to make a contribution. But of the others that simply take over the thought and make it sound their own, I really have nothing to say …
Much activity now follows in the days to come. The film of course and its eventual release .. but simultaneously the inputs for KBC and its opening on the 15th of August, Independence Day ..
Many ask the source of my energy and work capacity. I abhor the question and have no answer. How does one really answer such a question ? If I am to give a finite answer I am accepting that I am blessed with more than required energy. But really … how can one assess one’s own energy. We work and perform and do according to the genetical strengths that we possess. That is it. To others this may seem a feat, to me it seems another job that needs to be done. If I have the capacity to do it I shall do it. If not I shall happily raise my hands and call it a day ! Simple !
To enumerate all that I do and then look upon it as a work of excellence, is not fair. I am far from excellence, but yes, I am not too far away from work ..
Good night my dearest ones … and do hope that tonight there are no brain damaged statements ..
With my love and more …
Amitabh Bachchan
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